$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think a kid would responsible me up
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
