just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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