feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
