can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
