I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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