So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
