there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
