This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
