I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
