i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
