chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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