dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
