Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
