I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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