sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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