so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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