Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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