all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
A bitchslap is in order.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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