Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize