I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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