yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
