Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize