are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
