Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
