you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
