Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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