can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
