We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
