i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
