She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
