I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
