Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
