I puked a lego.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize