Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
