Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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