dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
