I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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