You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
