so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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