Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
