sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
