Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
