From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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