Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
