Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
