i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
