You don't have asthma, your pregnant
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize