hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
