TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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