God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
