god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
