I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
