Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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