The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
