you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
