k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize