So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
