she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
