this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize