This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
lets start a swedish sibling band together
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
