Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
