Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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