i think my tv is drunk
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You were trust falling into bushes
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
