So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
