Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
