Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
