His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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