my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
