after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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